


Easy Come, Easy Go

by losingmymindtonight



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adult Peter Parker, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, College Student Peter Parker, Death from Old Age, Gen, Graduation, Old Tony Stark, Parent Tony Stark, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sort Of, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 08:57:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17639726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losingmymindtonight/pseuds/losingmymindtonight
Summary: Tony Stark spends a lifetime waiting for Peter Parker to leave.But the kid stays. He always stays.





	Easy Come, Easy Go

**Author's Note:**

> I used Amazon credit to buy an eBook on the effects of psychological trauma and it mentioned that people who've been routinely abandoned/neglected/betrayed tend to think that every will leave them eventually.  
> This happened.  
> (This was supposed to be under 1k words, and look where we are now. Bask in my lack of control.)
> 
> WARNINGS: very brief mention of dementia, Tony has a MAJOR lack of self-worth going on

When Tony Stark first meets Peter Parker, the kid is 14.

Within the first five minutes, everything about Peter makes Tony wish he’d never met him at all.

“When you can do the things that I can, but you don't... and then the bad things happen... they happen because of you.”

The words ring in his ears. The kid is just too… too  _ good _ . There’s a contradiction to him that Tony can’t quite wrap his head around. Somehow, Peter manages to exude the innocence of a child  _ and  _ a deeply ingrained sense of justice all at once.

Even worse, Tony feels an instant connection to the kid. He  _ likes  _ him, wants to look after him.

He doesn’t know if he’ll survive the day that the spark of hero worship in the kid’s eyes fades away.

(And it  _ will  _ fade. Tony knows it will. Peter’s looking at a veneer, staring at him through the goggles of a preconstructed hero. It won’t take long for him to spot the monster underneath. The man who shatters anything he dares to touch.)

\--

When Tony Stark watches Peter Parker die, the kid is 16.

Somewhere along the line, Tony had started to care for the teenager. Sure, it was in the same way he started to care for anybody at this point: gradual, grudging, and with a bone-deep hesitancy that he just couldn’t shake, but it was affection all the same.

He had never wanted Peter to step foot on Titan. He would’ve done anything to spare him, to cocoon him away from reality and shield him from just how cruel the universe could be.

Peter wasn’t meant to be a soldier. He wasn’t meant to fight a war.

Tony had just… he had just wanted to protect him.

But he couldn’t.

He failed.

He’d never forget the way the kid slammed into him, fingers scrabbling against his shoulders and chest shuddering with fear. He’d never forget the way he sobbed, choked,  _ begged _ .

“You're alright,” he lied.

Peter begs him to save him. Begs him to help. 

“I don’t wanna go. Sir, please.”

Tony does absolutely nothing. 

He offers no comfort, no gentle parting words. All he does is soften the kid’s fall when his legs disappear.

“I’m sorry.”

It feels like it’s over as soon as it begins. One second, Tony’s holding a warm, breathing,  _ living  _ kid. The next, he’s staring at dirt and dust.

He holds an ash-coated hand to his face and lets himself cry.

\--

When Tony Stark watches Peter Parker come back to life, the kid is still 16.

The rush to Titan is a blur in Tony’s mind, a drawn-out streak of  _ please let him be alright, please let him be there. _

They land. He stumbles down the loading ramp, catches sight of Strange, of the Guardians, and then, of…

Oh, god.  _ Peter _ .

Tony stands there, just a handful of feet away from the person he had been willing to sacrifice  _ everything  _ for, and prepares himself for the hatred. The disgust.

Peter had begged him. In the face of death, Peter had looked to Tony and asked to be saved.

And Tony had just  _ stood there _ .

If there was anything that would shatter Peter’s expectations, his determination that Tony was a hero, it was that.

He prepares himself to watch the kid learn to hate him.

But Peter’s face doesn’t show even the tiniest hint of the anger Tony expects. Instead, it floods with relief, joy,  _ love _ . He runs forward, flings himself into Tony’s arms, burrows his face into his shirt.

And then he  _ laughs _ .

“You did it, Mister Stark.” Peter’s voice is reverent. “You saved us. You  _ did it _ .”

(Tony realizes that he got lucky. That Peter may have overlooked  _ this  _ failure, but that the veneer must be chipping. The kid was still so young, still so determined to see the good in everyone and everything. Once the world beat that innocence out of him, he’d take one look at Tony and run.)

\--

When Tony Stark teaches Peter Parker how to cradle his newborn daughter, the kid is 17.

Morgan Stark has bright blue eyes and the tiniest hands Tony’s ever seen. She’s swaddled in a blanket (Tony has no idea where it came from, he’s never seen it before in his life) and staring at the world around her with more interest than he could imagine a hospital room in birthing ward could really warrant.

Tony transfers Morgan into Peter’s arms slowly, maneuvering the kid with gentle hands and ruffling his curls once before stepping away.

Peter looks like he could cry as he stares down at the infant, brown eyes glassy and smile wobbly with emotion.

Tony looks at the two of them. Looks at the image that is just so perfect, just so utopian that he wants to have it carved into his skin, and then he waits for it to shatter.

Any minute, Peter will shove the bundle back into his arms and stumble away. He’ll reaffirm Tony’s own suspicions that this will never work, that fatherhood will suit him even worse than it did Howard. The kid’ll slam the door behind him in a fit of betrayal, a betrayal that will be well deserved, and Tony will never get the chance to apologize, get the chance to voice the  _ I love you _ that’s pumping in his chest.

But Peter… doesn’t.

The teenager just stares down at Morgan for what feels like an eternity, then looks up at him with a smile so wide that it looks like his face might split underneath it.

“What’s her name?” he whispers.

“Morgan.”

“She’s so… so…”

Tony understands. He’s at a loss for words, too. “Yeah, she is.”

“You’re… you’re gonna be an awesome dad, Mister Stark.”

He blinks back tears before Peter can catch a glimpse of them.

“Thank you, Pete.”

(He lets himself be grateful that he can enjoy another day with the wool still firmly over Peter’s eyes. He pushes away the ever-present reminder that this happiness is built on the teenager’s ignorance.

He just lets himself smile at the kid. The  _ kids _ . His kids.)

\--

When Tony Stark drops Peter Parker off at MIT, the kid is 18.

He parks his car, helps the kid carry a few bags worth of clothes and supplies up a too-tight staircase and into his box-sized dorm room. Together, they unpack. Tony watches him try not to cry when May calls them for an update.

He glances at his watch once they’re done. The room is filled with an awkwardness that’s almost suffocating. Peter’s sitting silently at his desk, gripping one of his new pens so tightly that Tony wonders if it’ll snap.

Tony shifts. “Do you need anything else?”

“No.”

“Alright. You want me to stay?”

Peter shakes his head violently. “No. Just… just go.”

Tony nods, heart constricting. This is finally it. He’s overstepped his role for the last time, played through the last chapter of this far-fetched fantasy. 

Peter’s 18, now. A legal adult. The childhood blinders are gone. Peter must see college as his first real chance to extract himself from Tony’s hold. He’s pushing him out. He’s moving on.

And now it’s Tony’s turn to let him.

“Alright. Bye, Pete.”

_ Good luck, buddy. _

He steps into the hallway, walks towards the stairs.

He makes it about seven steps before Peter come bolting after him.

His first knee-jerk instinct is to expect a blow, even though he knows that Peter would never, ever resort to violence like that. Then, he decides that it must be the kid coming out to tell him to never come back. That he doesn’t want him in his life anymore, he’s seen who he really is, it’s better for everyone if Tony just-

The thoughts stop the moment that Peter throws himself into his arms.

He rocks back at the impact, but then he’s hugging the kid back without really thinking about it.

“I’m sorry.” He can hear that Peter’s crying without having to see his face. “I’m sorry. I thought if I didn’t say goodbye then it’d be easier but that was stupid. Don’t go yet. Please.”

_ He… he wants me to stay. _

“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” He rubs the kid’s back, brain struggling to process the idea that  _ Peter doesn’t want me to leave _ . “I don’t have to set off quite yet.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop that. I’m not upset and I don’t need an apology.”

“No, you do. That was selfish. I didn’t even think about the fact that this is probably super hard for you, too.”

He doesn’t respond. Instead, he pulls out of the hug and grips Peter by the shoulders. “Hey, how about we go find all your classrooms before I leave? That’ll give us something to do, and it’ll help you out on the first day.”

“Yeah.” Peter wipes at his wet cheeks. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

Tony wraps an arm around him as they start to walk and feels his heart twinge when the kid leans into the touch.

(He doesn’t understand why Peter hasn’t seen the truth yet. Doesn’t understand why he would want Tony to drop him off at college, why he would ever want Tony to play such a pivotal role in this milestone of his life.

He selfishly hopes that he can be a part of just a few more moments like this before Peter finally pushes him away.)

\--

When Tony Stark hands Peter Parker his first beer, the kid is 21.

They’re on the roof. It’s dark. Peter’s curled into one of the lawn chairs he’d helped Tony haul up the stairs, hoodie unzipped and posture loose. Tony can’t understand how Peter looks so at ease when he’s close enough to touch him. Close enough to hurt him, to break him.

He pops the cap off of one of the bottles and offers it to Peter without a word. The kid takes it with a lazy grin.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Tony says, dropping into his own chair and staring out at the city. “Just so you know, I’m only giving you a beer because it’s a tradition and because Pepper told me that giving you hard liquor would be considered irresponsible.”

Peter smirks. “What? She doesn’t want you to get me black-out drunk on a weekday? That’s just irrational.”

“Oi. I wasn’t gonna get you  _ drunk _ . A glass of bourbon wouldn’t’ve killed you.”

“Mhm.”

He watches Peter’s eyes trace the skyline with dread pulling at his stomach. The kid looks like he’s contemplating something, brow furrowed and breath deliberate.

Peter opens his mouth to speak, and the dread turns into barely contained panic.

“Hey, Mister Stark?”

He knows that this is the moment Peter leaves. He really  _ is  _ an adult now. He can drink, smoke, drive, die for his country. He’s about to go to grad school and take up a paid research position. How much longer did Tony expect for Peter to cling to his childhood hero?

“Yeah, Pete?”

_ Just say it, kiddo. It’s alright. _

“I, uh, I just…” Peter’s gaze dances to meet Tony’s, drops down to his knees, and then finally resettles on his mentor’s face. “Thank you. For… for doing this.” He jostles the beer in explanation. “For, y’know, for being here with me. Especially today.”

The panic settles. The kid’s still looking at him with that stupid, trusting look in his eyes. He’s still here. He’s still smiling.

Tony feels so fucking guilty and so fucking lucky all at once.

“Of course, Pete. Where else would I be?”

(He feels like he just dodged a bullet, but he also knows that the sniper’s still there.

And Tony’s full aware that one day, he’ll finally stop missing.)

\--

When Tony Stark sits in a crowded auditorium to watch Peter Parker’s hooding ceremony, the kid is 25.

They call Peter’s name. Beside him, May and Morgan cheer loudly. Tony doesn’t even try to hide his proud grin as he claps. On his way off the stage, Peter turns in their direction and waves to Morgan. She waves back like her life depended on it.

They find him outside afterwards. He’s making small talk with a small group of professors. When he spots them, however, he quickly makes his excuses and bolts over.

He hugs May first. She’s got tears in her eyes as she comments on how grown-up he looks. Morgan demands his attention next, and Peter’s obviously more than happy to oblige her. She’s still small enough that Peter can lift her up without making people suspicious. He takes off his cap and drops it on Morgan head with a flourish. She laughs, hands already picking at the tassel.

It’s Tony’s turn next. Peter’s taller than him, now, but the kid still ducks his head underneath his chin despite the extra height.

They pull back, but Tony keeps a firm hold on the kid’s forearms. He looks him up and down, takes in the colorful hood and the sharp confidence in his eyes. 

“Look at you.” He grins, tucks a lock of messy hair behind Peter’s ear. “How’s it feel, Pete? Or do I have to call you Doctor Parker now?”

Peter cringes. “I think I still prefer Pete.”

“Oh, thank god. Doctor Parker has too many syllables.”

The kid laughs. “Even longer than Mister Stark.”

“You know what’s even shorter than both? Tony.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I know. How about this: I call you Tony, and you  _ stop  _ calling me kid.”

“Never.”

“Then I dub you Mister Stark for all eternity.”

Tony snorts. “You’ll get tired of me long before then.”

The look of horror on Peter’s face catches him off guard. “Of course I won’t. Why would you say that?”

He stops. Watches the turmoil crawling over the kid’s face. He feels guilty, all of a sudden. He never wants to make Peter look like that ever again.

“Joking, kiddo. Stop looking like I kicked your puppy.”

“Oh, good.” Peter smiles. “Cause you’re stuck with me  _ forever _ . Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

Peter is a genius. Tony had read his thesis, had helped him edit it. The entire paper is coated with the kid’s brilliance.

_ So why hasn’t he figured it out yet? Why is he still here? Surely, he can see who I am. Why hasn’t he ran for the hills? Why does he still look at me like I built the Earth with my own two hands? _

(It’ll have to change, one day. Tony can’t imagine that someone as smart as Peter can stay blind forever. He’ll come to his senses. He  _ will _ . He has to.

Almost everyone else has.)

\--

When Tony Stark fastens Peter Parker’s cufflinks on his wedding day, the kid is 28.

He’s known Peter long enough to sense his nervousness. The kid had been stuttering earlier, which was a telltale sign. Now, he just couldn’t seem to sit still.

Tony, on the other hand, felt like he was brimming with quiet affection. He was proud. He felt… fulfilled. Despite the kid’s nerves, he knew that he was happy. Happier than he’d ever been, maybe. And somewhere along the line, Peter’s happiness had become a deciding factor in Tony’s own.

They’re the only ones in the room. Peter is pacing, gaze distant. Tony stands, grabs a small box, and intercepts him with a soft hand on his chest.

“Hey.” Peter’s eyes lock onto his face at the greeting. Tony holds up the box. “Gimme your wrists.”

Peter does. Tony silently pops open the box and fastens the left cufflink, then the right.

As soon as he’s finished, Peter yanks away.

The veil of contentment rips. Tony flinches backwards, forces his hands not to twitch with anxiety as Peter restarts his pacing.

He stands stock-still, ready for the axe to fall.

He’s suddenly hyper-aware that he doesn’t deserve to be here, really. He doesn't deserve to share in these moments of joy. He feels like an intruder in Peter’s life, an infestation that the kid’s grown blind to.

Why, of everyone else in the world, would Peter want  _ him  _ here?

“Mister Stark?” Peter wheels around to stare at him, freezing in his tracks. “What if I screw this up?”

Tony blinks. “You won’t.”

The kid strides right up to him. There’s something imploring in his eyes. He needs Tony to say the right thing.

Suddenly, he’s terrified that he won’t be able to.

“How do you know?”

“Because… because you’re a good kid.” He swallows as the sentimentality builds in his throat. “You won’t screw it up. Hell, I don’t think you could screw this up if you  _ tried _ . Just… just trust me.”

He doesn’t understand why Peter always seem to accept anything he says as gospel, but he finds himself grateful for it when the kid’s shoulders relax just slightly. 

“Okay.” A deep breath. “I can… I can do this.”

He nods in agreement. “You can.”

Peter smiles at him. “I’m glad you’re here, Tony.”

“Me too, Pete.”

(He shouldn’t be glad. He shouldn’t be profiting off of his ability to trick this kid. But he  _ is  _ glad. He’s glad that of all the kids that could’ve come stumbling into his life, he got the one that seems incapable of seeing through the facade.

Nothing lasts forever, though. And Tony still feels like the love in Peter’s gaze is a time bomb just waiting to explode.)

\--

When Tony Stark holds Peter Parker’s firstborn child, the kid is 32.

Peter’s face lights up when he walks into the room. He’s cradling a bundle of blankets, and Tony can’t help but think back to the night Morgan came into the world.

Except this time, it’s Peter’s life that is about to be irrevocably changed.

His kid has his own kid.

He feels old.

“Tony.” Peter’s voice is soft. “You’re here.”

“Came as fast as I could. Sorry, bud. Traffic was a nightmare.”

“It’s alright. You’re here now.” Peter raises the bundle ever-so-slightly. “Do you wanna meet him?”

Tony feels something warm explode in his chest. “Him?”

Peter nods, eyes glimmering. “Him.”

Tony doesn’t need any help holding the infant. Peter doesn’t have to guide him, but the kid does linger, just for a minute, before stepping back.

There’s a beat of silence. Then,

“Well?” Peter sounds nervous. “What do you think?”

Tony snorts. The baby’s fast asleep, eyes closed and mouth open. In all honesty, he looks like any other newborn Tony’s ever seen. 

But  _ those  _ newborns didn’t share half of Peter’s DNA.

“He’s perfect, Pete.” He keeps his gaze trained on the child’s face. “Does he have a name?”

“We, uh, we decided on Benjamin.”

A smile tugged at his lips. “Of course.”

“Benjamin Anthony.”

His eyes snap up. Peter is fidgeting a few feet away from him, obviously unsure. 

“Kid…”

“I hope… I hope that’s okay.”

Okay? Tony felt like his heart was going to explode.

But then...

“You… You don’t want to make him bear that legacy.”

Peter is shaking his head before Tony can even finish. “You’re always saying stuff like that, but it’s not true. It’s… it’s a good name.”

_ It’s not. You’ve just made yourself blind to who I am. I don’t know why, I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but you’re only here because you’ve convinced yourself not to glance behind the curtain. _

He doesn’t say any of that. He couldn't bear to, not when Peter’s expression was practically begging him for validation.

Instead, he takes a deep, steadying breath.

_ It’s just a name. It’s not a curse. _

“Thank you, Pete.” He looks back down at the baby in his arms, at  _ Peter’s  _ baby, and feels a wave of love rush down his spine. “Hello, Benjamin. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Tony.”

He feels rather than sees Peter’s presence at his side. “He’s gonna love you.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so.”

(Peter was blind enough to name his child after him.

Some desperate, long-suppressed part of him wanted to believe that it was proof of some kind of salvation. That he had done enough to outweigh his sins. That he had  _ changed _ .

That this was proof that somewhere deep down, he was a good man.

For just a few moments, he let himself believe it.)

\--

When Tony Stark takes his last breath, the kid is 48.

Peter Parker is holding his hand.

Frankly, Tony thinks that he’s lucky to have made it to 80, after everything he’s put his body through. He  _ also  _ thinks he’s lucky that his heart decided to go before the dementia could really start to settle in.

He definitely thinks he’s lucky that he can die tucked comfortably in his own bed, surrounded by his family.

Pepper’s laying with him, head on his shoulder. Morgan’s sitting on the bed beside her, clutching to his hand like she can keep him alive through sheer force of will.

Peter’s hold on his other hand is less desperate, more secure. He’d dragged a wooden chair into the bedroom days ago and, as far as Tony can tell, he’s barely moved from his post since.

They both knows that his time is running out.

“Peter,” he whispers, turning his head to look at him, “buddy.”

The kid’s voice trips on tears. “Mister Stark.”

_ Call me Tony, _ he wants to say.  _ Don’t cry, _ he wants to say.  _ You’re one of the best thing that’s ever happened to me _ , he wants to say.

But none of those things are what actually comes out when he opens his mouth.

“You stayed.”

There are tears dripping down Peter’s cheeks now. He sniffs hard. “Of-Of course I did. I’m gonna stay right here the whole time. I won’t leave, I swear.”

And for the very first time, Tony believes him.

He lets the certainty fall over him like a blanket. He feels warm, and safe, and more secure than he’d ever felt before.

Peter isn’t going to leave him.

“You’re such a good kid.”

Peter laughs a little, shoulders shaking as he cries. “Thank you, Mister Stark.”

“Look out for Morgan, yeah? Promise me you’ll look after her.”

“Of course I will. And Pepper, too. I’ll take care of everything. You can trust me.”

“I know I can.” 

He squeezes Peter’s hand, ignores the fatigue tugging at every inch of his body. He’s not ready yet. It’s not quite time. He’s got more to say.

“You’re my kid.”

Peter doesn’t look surprised at the admission. He just nods, voice cracking. “I know.”

This is the moment when he’s supposed to say  _ I love you _ , when he’s supposed to gush about how proud he is of the person Peter’s become. How he never could’ve asked for a better son.

He doesn’t.

Peter knows.

Instead, he winks. “You know the drill, kid. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…”

Tony catalogs the laugh that Peter releases at the inside joke as something to cling to as he drifts off. Pepper’s kiss, Morgan’s smile, Peter’s laugh.

“And don’t do anything you would do. Little gray area. I know, don’t worry. I’ve got it.”

He closes his eyes, squeezes the kid’s hand once before relaxing. 

“Good boy.”

Morgan clutches his hand tighter. Peter’s grip doesn’t waver.

_ Pepper’s kiss. Morgan’s smile. Peter’s laugh. _

He lets himself drift.

\--

(Tony Stark spends a lifetime waiting for Peter Parker to leave.

But the kid stays. He always stays.)


End file.
